Amidst all the darkness
I wander, searching for the light
The plane reeks of despair
Of something horrendous
Lying in the wait of the night
To pounce, to rip me to shreds
To devour my very being of existence
And i wonder what it will feel like
To be a part of nothingness
Day after day the voices are disappearing
One person at a time
And i was always scared of loosing people
That's one battle i have always lost
Some say to be strong, some say to block it out
Don't you think i know, don't you think i try
Getting up everyday is a struggle
Like i want to but i cant
Like i can't get rid of these chains
And i struggle, i vail, i scream
To no avail, no one is here
I am afraid, that one morning when i wake up
I'll be all alone, left out, abandoned
Call it phobia, call it overthinking
Its not a choice, who wants to suffer
Who wants the pain, i don't
I have been strong
for god knows how long
And i have kept walking
I have kept talking
So that this feeling disappears
I have tried and cried
But its too much to bear
This fear, my mortal enemy
I know i can't do anything about things
I know there are things which are out of our hands
But this mind is the culprit
No matter how much i try it shows me glimpses
Of what possibly could happen
From the time i wake up to the time i force myself to sleep
I repeat a million times to myself
Everything is going to be fine
But this head plays games with me
Peace has been the most sought after mystery
And i lay awake staring at the ceiling,
If its ever gonna be alright
If i even matter
If i am good enough for anything
I have lost my will, i have lost my confidence
You would laugh when i say i am scared of talking to people
People who are dear to me. I am scared i am too much to handle
I am scared that i would scare them away
I am scared that if i talk, i would stress them out
And so i hold my tears and act, in the best possible way i can
Then in the lingering darkness of the night i let myself loose
I don't blame anyone but myself, for my weak heart
And saddened state, how could I let myself become like this
I find no answer, i have tried telling myself that its just a phase and it will pass
But its hard. Every time I convince myself
After a while the feeling of emptiness returns
And cry myself to sleep
Only to wake up to a nightmare
In the silence of night, my head screams for help
Save me, save me it says but no one's there to listen
I know people are doing the best they can
The fault is in me
And there it shall be
Till the time comes to pass
When i shall be free.
